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Submitted on
November 15, 2011
File Size
2.9 KB


1,180 (2 today)
58 (who?)
Category: Fanfiction
Fandom(s): Hetalia
Summary: It's the 1830s. America and England have a lot of not nice things to say to each other. Historical nonsense.

Dear Pompous Ass,

I hate you.

No love,

Dear Moronic Idiot,

It's arse. And is that the best you can do, you bloody uncouth fool?

I hate you as well,

Why are you so mean? Is it because of that stick up your ass?

Not as much as I hate you,

I find your existence to be offensive. That would be why.

Don't even start that,

Two can play that game, you conceited prick.

I'll start whatever I want,

But a boorish, tobacco-spitting nation such as you can't play it well. Especially when you use my insults.

You've always been that way,

You want to bet on that? Who won that Revolution, again?

You were never able to handle it,

I'll concede to that. Perhaps you can play a little, you slavery-supporting bastard.

Why would I ever want to?

That's a low blow, you dirty cheat. I do not support it!

Because I'm awesome,

What happened to playing the game? It seems that you can't handle it.

I find that hard to believe,

Go drown in the Atlantic.

You're just jealous,

Go trip under a wagon. Isn't that what your people live in?

As if,

At least my people don't interbreed.

You're in denial,

I'm not even going to dignify that with a proper response.

Keep telling yourself that,

That's because you can't think of one. But then again, you've always been unimaginative.

You're still in denial,

P.S. Dickens isn't that great.

Take that back! The mindless drivel you call your literature can't even compare!

For God's sake, don't repeat yourself,

Defensive, aren't we?

The truth can bear repeating,

This conversation is over.

Please stop talking to me,

Fine! Mighty defensive, I see. Whatever you say. I'm done here.

I still hate you,


The feeling is mutual,


Even less love than before,
    I'm sure Google doesn't know what to make of my searches right now.

    Not really.

    :bulletblue: In the 1830s and early 1840s, anti-British sentiment was strong in America, residual from the two Anglo-American wars, and the Jacksonian Democrats who held power at the time were not so inclined to be pro-British as the now-extinct Federalists were. The British, for their part, looked down their noses at these Americans, and a figurative "third war" occurred entirely through words. British travel literature and magazines were scathing in their descriptions of America, and American journals responded in kind. Incidentally, Charles Dickens was among these British writers. Also, I'm pretty sure there was some interbreeding going on in some southern American families, just sayin'.

    So, basically… they were flaming each other back and forth. How very mature of them.
    It was like the Internet before the Internet existed.

    :bulletblue: I. love. my. history book.
    It made this amusing, and I've had a headache since yesterday, so I wrote this mostly to vent. I have neither the time nor energy to imitate however they wrote back then, so I didn't. And this isn't supposed to make any sense. It’s mostly for the unfunny lulz.

    :bulletblue: And finally, headcanon: Alfred was an abolitionist. Arthur is indeed very defensive of his literature.
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ufd Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014
Lol it's no wonder the UsUk fanbase is so popular. America and England fought so much to the point where everyone's like "OMG JUST FUCK ALREADY!!" jk

Joke aside, I like this. I like the big hatred that went on between America and England during this time before their Special Relationship came about.
PwnedByPineapple Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The insults that went on between American and English authors were truly hilarious; it's one of those things that's really funny about history, so I imagine America and England themselves would have been equally petty. xD Thank you!
ufd Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014
Lol np
HeroicPlights Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so perfect.
Hetalia is about personified nations--why don't more people use such a concept to it's full potential, like you've done here?! This little fic is in the true Hetalia spirit =D It's history, but given to us in a way we wouldn't really expect xD Yet, all the same, it somehow gets its point across--it's about a historical relationship between to nations. It's funny because its the truth!

And I'd agree that Arthur is completely defensive of his literature. It's so easy to imagine England being extremely passionate about everything his dear authors wrote xD
(I also think Alfred was an abolitionist. If he wasn't, I don't think the Union would've won the Civil War...but that's just random headcanon on my part, I guess xD).
PwnedByPineapple Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you~!
One of my favorite things about Hetalia is how ridiculous you can make history while still staying true to history, in a sense. xD Satire is lovely. <3

Oh, England is huge book!nerd, in my head. xD
(And exactly. Also, I see Alfred has being the kind of person who just hates to see anyone put down, and I can imagine him being particularly riled by the injustice of it.)
WinchesterKitty Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2012
Pfft! We were learning about all this in history last semester and I was kind of thimking the same thing. My teacher goes into all the cool little details of insulting letters and cadid insidents and being a Hetalia fan I was thinking of England and America doing the whole " I know you are but what am I?" crap. And in my totaly demented mind the next natural step would be for Arthur to force feed Alfred one of his scones.... possibly hospitalizing him. :} I love history class. and all of the stupid Hetalia ideas that accompany it.
PwnedByPineapple Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Pfft, I know what you mean. xD History class is hilarious sometimes. xD
WinchesterKitty Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2012
Once you get past memorizing the dates it's what makes my elective-less existance enjoyable. >^<
Rocky41-7 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
lol Go America!
PwnedByPineapple Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
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